I still remember the day. It was the 3rd of Dec 1985. I had barely settled down in my office when I received a call from Prof. Yash Paul. He said that he had learnt about my recent promotion in my organisation and he was so thrilled to hear this news that he wanted to felicitate me as an old student of his department. It was such an honour, I thought, and I readily agreed to come to the department. The day was fixed for 5th Dec 1985. I never realised it would become a landmark day in my life.

The felicitation ceremony was fixed for 4 p.m. I dressed moderately in my Marks and Spencer beige-coloured suit and drove into the department approximately half an hour early as I wanted to meet my old buddies from the university before the start of the ceremony. After all, I had spent 5 glorious youthful years of my life together with them doing a wide variety of things. From competing fiercely in academics to attending and bunking classes, stealing notes, acting and singing on stage, ragging newcomers, playing cricket, TT, badminton, to chasing girls and sometimes introducing best friends of our girlfriends to them. One could easily imagine life in hostels or dorms. We were living away from our families and these very people comprised our immediate family. The bonds developed over years were thicker than blood relations. It was fun to meet them in more than one way.

Though all of us had matured and settled into our lives, it gave us immense pleasure revisiting those glorious days of the 70s. I had just turned over forty and had two kids and a beautiful supporting wife. However, this did not stop me from fooling around during my overseas trips, particularly to the Far East. But considering my age and hectic schedule, there was very little time for such activities now. But I must admit I was not a saint and out of it altogether. Aids had made hell out of the fucking world, but once in a while, a visit to massage parlours or Girlie bars with friends and business executives was not out of the question. I still enjoyed female company as long as it did not hurt financially or healthily. Besides, I had seen and done whatever the world had to offer as so-called nightlife. Sex was the last thing on my mind, and I had literally closed that chapter.

The guys at the university were as lucky, but in a different way. They did not get a chance to go out. Every time I came back from overseas trips, which were quite frequent in my job, they would call me to listen to my private exploits. I would describe to them the sex shows of Bangkok, massage parlours of Manila, and showcased prostitutes on canal banks of Amsterdam, peep shows of London, and 42nd Street of New York. They used to listen to all these stories with great attention and perhaps envy me for my exploits. I used to take great pains in narrating and sometimes making the presentation more juicy by adding more than I had seen or done. I could easily see them salivating after hearing from me. My bonding with them was more of a “ brotherhood of man” kind. Besides, all of them were good personal and family friends.

My friends at the university would tell me all the juicy stories happening on campus. This university has its own tales. It had its own world. And my friends at the university were no saints. They would sheepishly admit having affairs with some female or other. Professor Yash took great interest in females working in the department. Professor Matthew was a known fucker, having an almost open relationship with Rita besides all the secretaries he had. Everyone knew about it. Dr. Ken never passed a girl without screwing her. Many times the stage was set in the university, but exploits were made out of town. The seminars held in different cities outside Delhi provided the consenting faculties with the best opportunity to discover each other away from the prying eyes of colleagues in the office as well as family members. Some faculty members were luckier. One faculty member used to brag privately that he would lay any girl over 22. Female students of the 80s had become more adventurous and were keen to score good marks without hard work in academics. Some professors called their students to their houses if their spouses were away. I too used to listen to their tales with rapt attention and often envied them for the most cost-effective method of satisfying their sexual urges and fantasies.

The felicitation ceremony was organised in the seminar room where all faculty members were invited. On the oval table, I was sitting on one side. The staff members occupied chairs on the opposite side. I knew most of them personally. Some of them were females who were students with us and had subsequently joined the department as faculty or staff members. Most of them had gotten married by now and had grown up children. In the process, they had lost all the charm for which we used to chase them during college days. But I was told that some of them were still available for asking. However, I never wanted to lower my standards by cultivating these contacts.

I could not overlook a new female face I was seeing for the first time. She was sitting bang opposite me across the table flanked by two oldies. There was something very different about her. She was ravishingly beautiful. She was very fair, and her round face dripped with charm. She looked so fresh and innocent. She had a big forehead and big eyes. I could not stop looking at her. She was relatively quiet and interacted only with Rita who was sitting by her side. I could not see her in full as she was sunk low in the chair. She had thin lips and perhaps wore very little make-up. My first reaction after seeing her was “ yeh kahan aa gayee?”(what is doing here?) She did not belong to that crowd. She looked like a princess in sharp contrast to all the other ladies sitting around her. There was something about her that stuck in my mind. As if it was instantaneous, I longed for her.

The ceremony started, and each one was introduced. She was introduced as one of the new staff members in the science department. In the din, I forgot to take notice of her name, etc. I was so ravaged by this beauty that I totally forgot what I had planned to speak on that occasion. I still do not remember what I actually spoke, as I was totally disoriented. After formal speech-making and presentation of a small trophy, etc., the atmosphere got relaxed, and cross-talk started around the table. That put me at ease so that I could eye that beauty just a little more. Tea and pastries followed. Everyone was asked to narrate a joke or sing a song. Even she was asked to sing a song, but she shied, blushed, and politely refused.

In my life, I traveled long distances. From Bombay to Brazil. From Singapore to San Francisco. But I had not come across such an innocent face with a near-perfect Mona Lisa smile. A game was also played around the table in which everyone had to use his brain to get correct answers. During one hour of stay in the room, I must have stolen good 5 minutes of my stare at her face. I can recall she too was looking towards me, and our eyes locked in with one another at least a couple of times. And each time it happened, I thought I had been caught stealing. But at the same time, I also caught her looking at me stealthily. She quickly turned her eyes away from me when our eyes met. I knew that something had happened between us then and there itself. I had to be careful not to be seen to be ogling at her, though I was nearly doing this. I wanted this party to last forever so that I could stay and keep admiring that beauty forever. But that was not to be. It was 5 PM and it was bus time, and very suddenly, everyone was in a hurry to finish the function. After all, they had to catch the chartered bus which dropped them home.

The ceremony ended, and we came out of the seminar room. I bid farewell to my friends and came out of the department, walking towards my car. I offered a lift to Rita, who lived in the same locality where I was living. I kept on talking to my friends, who were proceeding towards the bus stop, while I was walking towards my car with Rita in tow. I saw Rita gesticulating at someone to come quickly. I opened the front door for Rita, and I was about to proceed to my driving seat when Rita asked if I could give a lift to one more female employee who also lives in the same neighbourhood as ours. I readily agreed. By the time Rita and I had settled down in the car. From corner of my eyes, I saw the same angel emerge from the building and rushing towards my car. She bent lower to bring her face near Rita’s and formally asked me if I could give her a lift. I almost passed out seeing her so closely. You idiot, she was talking to you, I told myself. I was dumbly folded looking at her very delicate lips, which had asked for the lift and the ravishing eyes with a question: Will you let me in, please? It must have taken a few seconds longer for me to reply. I reached for the knob sitting in the driving seat and opened the rear doors of my car. She took the back seat in my car. My heart thumped at her sight once more, and it was a treat to watch her from such close quarters. Frankly, at that time, I wanted to throw away Rita from the car so that I could make this beauty sit by my side. The sanity, however, continued to prevail on me.

Once the car got moving, Rita introduced her to me as Rashi, who had recently joined the department. Rita was doing all the talking in the car while I was trying to drive and eyeing Rashi in the rearview mirror at the same time. Rita was doing most of the talking. Rita was talking more about me than about her. On the other hand, I was more curious to know about Rashi. I tried to cut Rita short once and tried to get Rashi involved in the conversation without much success. A few things out of this conversation, however, sank in my mind. It was Rashi who had organised the game we played this evening. It was an intelligence game wherein you had to link some figure drawings that gave away the names of some famous places in India. Another important discovery was that she was the sister-in-law of another female in the campus that was known as a hooker in her youthful days. She worked in the Psychology department, and I had another friend working in the same department. Much before I met Rashi, my friend had mentioned to me about that horny female who now turned out to be Rashi’s sister-in-law. Rashi’s sister-in-law, now married, had crushes on some of the boys I knew. In fact, one of them bloated to have fucked her. I also knew that she was now head over heels for a senior professor in her own department, and she shared close moments with him. Later, it became public knowledge that she was getting her regular screw in the department itself, as this professor had his room right next to hers, and they used to work either late or early when not many were around. This story broke out as another female who used to get the attention of this professor felt jilted after the professor dumped her for Rashi’s sister-in-law. I had known Rashi’s sister-in-law from my college days but nothing more than hi or hello ... She too was also good-looking but not a shade as beautiful as this beauty riding with me in the car. The disappointing thing that I could gather about Rashi was that she was married and had a son. Her appearance defied her age. She looked hardly 19 or 20. For a moment, I felt jealous about the lucky guy whosoever her husband was.

I wanted the car ride to last until eternity. But the 2-km ride did not last more than 7-8 minutes. Rita got down first. I felt like asking Rashi to join me in the front seat. I restrained myself but was extremely happy to know that she lived just 2 blocks away from my house. I suddenly awakened to the new prospect in my life.

She got down and bid farewell to me by saying just “ thank you.” However, her smile while saying thanks was mischievous. The expression in her eyes while leaving me confirmed this. As if she was asking me,” So when do we meet again?” Her body language conveyed a thousand words. I froze and kept sitting in the car as she was walking away from me. She must have turned back to look back at me at least two or more times while walking towards her house. With the last glance towards me, she also waved bye to me by shaking her tiny, delicate hands, which were so far confined under a shawl wrapped around her.

I could make out that her hips and waist were rightly proportioned. I also noticed that she had very long hair, which was interlocked in one big “chhoti”(strand) draping from the back of her head to lower than her hips, as if a thick black rope was tied on her head, which tapered onto her hips. As she moved gracefully, the loose strand at the end of her chooti brushed the cheeks of her buttock in rhythm with her movement, right and left and right again, as she swayed her hips while walking. I had always fantasised about long hair. Once, I had told my wife about her long-haired friend. I told her that her husband would find it difficult to separate these long hairs from the pubes if she was lying naked on her hair. I had always fantasised about screwing women with long hair. And there she was, with much longer hair than I had ever fantasised about. As she walked away, I could see her full body now. She looked just over five feet. She looked extremely curvaceous. Her sexy look and the parting smile that sank into my mind. Some beauty, I thought, as I drove forward to my house.

My house was a 2-minute drive from her house. As I got in, I informed my wife about the felicitation and how great I felt about being honoured by my old college. Downplaying the whole episode, I also told her about this new recruit living in our neighbourhood. I did this inadvertently, as if to prepare for an introduction should we run into Rashi in the neighbourhood.

I was so fascinated by her charm that her thoughts kept coming back to me. The more I tried to restrain myself, the more she appeared in my thoughts. I kept fantasising about her. Now I longed for her.

But as the calm returned, I became more rational and told myself that I was already over the hill and it was too late to entertain such thoughts of romance and flirting. I was a well-respected member of society, had two growing kids, and a wife whom I loved so much. My sexual life was as active as one could expect from a couple married for 18 years. Sex with my wife had become routine. Frequency had declined to once in 15 days or in a month. There was nothing to innovate now. Besides, I lived with my mother and brother. With two kids and a servant, our sex life was more of a matter of opportunity when you are hot. Mostly, you are cold. I had already shut down my romance and sex department long ago. Erections were hard to get and even harder to sustain, but I was not impotent yet. These realisations cooled me down. The fever in me began to subside as I plunged into my daily grind. Next day onwards, I literally forgot Rashi.

However, every time I drove past her house to my house, I would deliberately slow down my car to just have a glimpse of her. Days passed by, but I never got to see her outside her house. I noticed there were several kids in the house who used to spill over onto the road but never Rashi. I made no special attempt to meet her in her office, as I had no excuse to do so. But her eyes continued to haunt me. Actually, she was so beautiful, so perfect, that there were men that would see her for a brief moment and then never forget her. She’d be the model of all they wanted, and I was no exception. Never before had I felt a desire for someone like this. But soon I found out a perfect alibi to meet her.

As the New Year approached, I posted her a New Year card. I had to make it look like a routine card so that I am not spurned and at the same time she could notice me. On the New Year Day or one day later, I visited the department. I looked for her all around but could not find her. Dejected as I was, I was walking back out of the office when I saw her approaching from the opposite direction. Seeing me, she stopped. I conveyed my best wishes for the New Year, and she reciprocated in a routine manner. She was looking fresh and radiant. I was now seeing her at a closer distance and saw that she had pigments on her face and arms, which one usually sees in Westerners. I complained that I did not see her anywhere in the neighbourhood. She did not comment. She looked busy at that moment, and I realised that I had actually stopped her on the way. I let her go. So my plan to engage her in some conversation was a big failure.

The failure looked like a challenge to me, and I mentally resolved to have another go at her.

Towards the end of January is my daughter’s birthday. I told my wife that it would be a great idea to have some games organised. And suddenly the game of 3rd Dec came to mind. I made an unscheduled visit to the university on my way back from the office. Thinking I would take the opportunity to borrow the game from her and later offer her a lift back home and get some time to talk to her. With a lot of expectations, I walked into the department and before I could ask where I could find Rashi, Proof Yash Paul caught hold of me in the corridor and pulled me into his room. It would have been too impolite to refuse his hospitality. I told him that I wanted to collect the game, which was organised the other day. He pushed the call bell and the peon came that was asked to call Rashi in the room of the head of the department. I took no interest in what Prof. Yash Paul was talking as my eyes were fixed on the door for the angel’s entry. And the angel did walk in. She barely took notice of me while she raptly listened to what her boss was telling her. In a swift motion, she turned back and receded in the corridor while I kept on chatting to Prof. Yash. She appeared the next minute or so and shoved a copy of the game in Professor’s hand and very quickly went back as if she was in a great hurry. I got very disappointed and displeased with myself. The whole purpose of my coming was defeated. I still did not lose hope. I quickly planned to walk to her room and offer her a lift back home. But Prof. Yash Paul came out to see me off to the car, dashing my residual hopes. Once outside the building, I realised that office time was over and everyone was rushing back home. I prolonged my departure and I waited near my car, hoping that I would still be able to catch her. But that was not to be. I felt miserable that day. Another failure I noted.

I felt defeated yet once again. That is when, I know, my courage picks up. It has happened with me before. Whenever in life I feel I am losing, I felt within my inner-self a resilience bouncing me back, pushing me not to accept any defeat. Perhaps the same thing happened here for me.

It was at the beauty of Rashi, which had stunned me, and my desire for her kept increasing. I had to do something about it. I started giving a serious thought with a cool mind. The first strategy that crossed my mind was to approach her through my friends whom I knew in the department. I tried to bring this subject up with one or two of my friends in the department. Their facial expressions changed the moment I brought this topic up for discussion. I realised they see me as their potential competitor in the field. So the resolution was to go it alone.

I made several visits to the department but was unable to meet her. One of my biggest handicaps was that I knew most of the seniors of the department, and the moment I got into the building, they would surround me with their natural charm and affection. They would invite me for tea, lunch, or snacks depending on their convenience and mood. I did not want to look impolite by setting aside their invitations and straight heading for Rashi’s room. Firstly, I did not know which room she occupied. As I later came to know, her room was at the very end of the corridor, and there was no way for me to travel that long distance without being noticed by someone or other whom I knew. It was becoming a battle of wits. I did not want to go out of my way in hot pursuit of a lady who so far had shown no inclination to my advances, and at the same time, I did not want my friends to realise that I am not coming to see them but coming to see Rashi. My friends who had been good to me were paying me all the attention I needed, and perhaps they were paying attention to Rashi too. To that extent, there was an element of competition with my friends. I found that Rashi was becoming hard to get in so far as I was concerned.

Time rolled by. In the summer of ‘86, it was very hot, and I had gone to meet Dr. Narasimha, who was the new head of the department now. He too was a good friend of mine. It was past noon time, and everyone had gone for lunch, including Dr. Narasimha(N). His room was open, so I sat here waiting for him to return. At least the room was much cooler than the corridor. Since I had come for specific work, Rashi was least on my mind at that time. I could not believe my luck that day when Rashi walked into the room looking for someone. That was the first day I got a chance to talk to her on one-to-one basis. She was wearing a green-coloured khadi kurta with a yellow-coloured dupatta. She looked simply gorgeous. With a beaming face, she greeted me, and we ended up talking about so many things about ourselves.

I was so stumped by her beauty and God-sent chance that I did not ask much about her. She put me at a lot of comfort asking me about life and times when I was a student. She asked me about various females whom I knew in the Division, etc. I found her to be extremely intelligent, articulate, and having a great sense of humour. I was listening to her with all the attention she deserved in making an introduction about herself. What an intelligent introduction, I thought. In one go, you tell people what you are and what you expect from your friend. It was not small talk. It had a lot of meaning to it. I felt proud to be in her company. She was a friend to be had for life, I decided instantaneously.

Dr. N was not to be seen. I thanked him quietly for not being present as I began enjoying Rashi’s company in his room. It was extremely hot that day, and I was feeling hungry and thirsty at the same time. She had come to get some application forwarded for an overseas assignment. I saw her application and gathered that she is quite ambitious and independent. Despite having a small son, she was interested in going overseas and doing a 9-month assignment. The application revealed many other things. She was to be 24 in August, and she looked like a perfect Virgo. Her age disappointed me a bit, as I was to be 40 the same year in November, and for a moment, I thought myself that I am chasing a dream. I asked her if there was any canteen where I could get some food?

She escorted me to a makeshift canteen at the rear of the department. There was no one there except for the shopkeeper. He too announced that all the food had been sold out and he was left with only a few laddoos. I normally do not eat that kind of laddoo, but with the hunger and in the company of the equally sweet lady, I had two laddoos and offered her one. I saw for the first time that she had a good figure too and a very robust body. When time came for payment, she did not allow me to pay. I was forcing myself to pay when she sternly told the shopkeeper that I was her guest and he must not accept money from me. She paid for the laddoos. It was after a long time that a female was paying for the food I had. That gave me the much-needed opportunity to tell her that one day she must give me a chance to reciprocate and let me buy her a lunch. An innocent lunch invitation was to open my gateway to her.

I visited the division so many times thereafter and accosted her at different places in the division. I would talk business and general things in the presence of others. I would look around and see if we were away from earshot of others. I would then renew my invitation for lunch. She would just avoid that conversation on invitation for lunch, and lately, as if to brush me off, she started asking me to visit her in her house, which comprised of her family, her father-in-law, and her husband’s brothers and sisters, like any other joint family in India. I realised she had perhaps understood my intentions and she was now avoiding me.

Nothing serious happened that year; I could not make any serious advance. I did not want to rock the boat too much, as she did not sound willing. I was getting fed up with myself for not having made any progress. It was approaching Christmas, and that is when I made my first serious attempt on her. I selected a beautiful New Year card and posted it to her with a note that she must not refuse my invitation to lunch on 1st of Jan 1987. I wrote that I would pick her up from the division in the morning.

I picked up all my guts and courage to go to the division. As I entered the corridor, she was walking down from the other side. I thought she was waiting for me to come and pick her up as I had suggested. The next moment, we were together, faces to face one to one. There was someone walking down the corridor but still looked far away from us. I wished her a happy New Year. She too wished me, and I could make out it was not so warm a reciprocation I had expected considering our lunch appointment. In fact, she was cold. She pretended not to have received any New Year card from me. Before I could proceed further, she excused herself and walked past me onto meeting another person. I felt so humiliated. So frustrated. All my mental plan to take her out for a treat was dashed. In frustration, I came back home. I was so angry with myself.

I knew that I had blown it. I knew that I had lost all respect she may have for me by now. I knew that she would never talk to me again. I just cursed myself for having taken such a bold initiative of inviting her for lunch. I was mentally afraid that she might tell this to her colleagues, and I would become a centre of ridicule in the eyes of my own colleagues. The result was that I drastically cut down my visits to the Division, as if I had been caught stealing.

Such a thing had never happened to me. Before my marriage, I had relationships with girls. In fact, I had a problem of plenty. While in college and even later, it was me who was always on top. Sometimes I was in deep shit as I did not know how to handle two women at the same time. Krishna, whom I met when I was barely 18, (and an absolute Anari when I think today) was competing against her own cousin Sulekha. Though I loved her, being an idealistic person, I never got beyond touching her hand. In contrast, Mahindra, who almost took my virginity away, was an experienced bitch. Once on a Diwali day, she invited me to her house, and in the back of her mother’s house, she gave a mouth-to-mouth kiss (yeah, it was so repelling somebody putting their tongue in your mouth) in fact, my maiden kiss. She had a scooter (a great thing to have in Delhi in the 60s) and took me for a ride to many places near and far. At times, I avoided her just because I did not like the idea of riding a scooter driven by a girl. Those days were very unusual, and people looked at us with great curiosity. But she came from a rich family background, and she used to pay all the restaurant bills. So for fun, it was sort of OK.

She would often take me to India Gate lawns and try to get close. Looking back now, I feel she was desperate for me. She would take the initiative by touching me and rubbing her body against me or leaning against me. She was not doing anything new. You can see that happening today in parts of the world ... One day, she shocked me by wrapping her hands around her shoulders and pulling them, innocently to graze her breasts. For a moment, I thought it had happened accidentally and began to free my wrists from her grip. But she had other designs. She held my wrist and pulled it further down with force. The next moment, my palm was on her breasts. That was my first touch of a female breast. No mean achievement; I did not have to do much. Everything was presented to me on a platter. Kneading her breasts soon became a routine.

I still remember one instance when I just tried to feel between her thighs at India Gate lawns, and she guided my probing fingers to the love hole. It was a different thing that we got caught by a policeman and had to bribe him in order to go home instead of going to the police station for indecent behaviour in public place. She paid even the bribe. I broke off with her because she did not have brains or the body to keep me for long. There were others in the university going around me that I had more interest in than in Mahindra. Now I know that if I wanted, I could have fucked her easily.

My subsequent quests with ladies were equally rewarding and on an equal footing. Ranjita was a fox. I knew she wanted everything, including a screw, but would pretend a lot before giving up. We spent a lot of time together necking and petting, in which she was more than an equal partner. For more than a year when our relationship began, we were just chatting and talking. She was very fond of Chhat-Pakora stuff, and almost every alternate day, we used to go to a halwa shop and eat. She used to pay the bills. We never had access to any privacy where we could get physically close. It was her idea to introduce me to her friend Vandana, who needed tuition. Vandana knew of our relationship, and she played host to many of our escapades. Vandana’s house used to be empty during the daytime, and it was tuition time for me. Ranjita would drop by, and then Vandana would stand guard while we played a little game. For a month when Vandana’s father went to Calcutta with her younger brother, we had a hell of a time. We would get aroused to an extent that everything was possible, but Vandana’s presence made the progress impossible. We knew that Vandana, in the pretext of guarding us, was having a peep show. Therefore, we had to stay within the limits of our advances in a nearly fully clothed condition. At that time, we did not have the resources to go out and do things our way. Once, an outing was planned but failed miserably because my friends got wind of it and wanted to give us company.